in my cursive

i realized i don't like this at all. why don't i just tell my parents about it? am i really that scared of the consequences? does the scare factor of never talking to them ever again really scare me? yes, it does. i don't want my parents to not take me seriously, but if they take me head on serious, they may not be happy of me. they may take away all communication tools i have to get in contact with them. i'm sure they might monitor everything i do. it'd be like november all over again.

but really, everyone asks me what the worst could happen if i did tell them. obviously, what i said above is my scary thought. i know it's extreme, it's just enough to make me not want to tell them. i don't know what my dad would say. he'd be more chill about it, probably. but my mother, she'd be the one who'd lecture me day in day out. i hate her lectures, because i know it all already. i'm aware of the dangers i put myself though, but i trust myself enough that none of you guys are rapists.

i wish i could just come out right with it to them. i just... don't know exactly how. i'm not sure i'll ever know exactly how. so farewell chances of going to gatherings. fear is the consumer of me. i don't like hiding secrets from them, but i don't know how i'd get them to shut up before i could finish talking. 

i really don't know what to do. it's not fair.

:/

xoxo.