Tuesday 24 February 2009

in my cursive

i realized i don't like this at all. why don't i just tell my parents about it? am i really that scared of the consequences? does the scare factor of never talking to them ever again really scare me? yes, it does. i don't want my parents to not take me seriously, but if they take me head on serious, they may not be happy of me. they may take away all communication tools i have to get in contact with them. i'm sure they might monitor everything i do. it'd be like november all over again.

but really, everyone asks me what the worst could happen if i did tell them. obviously, what i said above is my scary thought. i know it's extreme, it's just enough to make me not want to tell them. i don't know what my dad would say. he'd be more chill about it, probably. but my mother, she'd be the one who'd lecture me day in day out. i hate her lectures, because i know it all already. i'm aware of the dangers i put myself though, but i trust myself enough that none of you guys are rapists.

i wish i could just come out right with it to them. i just... don't know exactly how. i'm not sure i'll ever know exactly how. so farewell chances of going to gatherings. fear is the consumer of me. i don't like hiding secrets from them, but i don't know how i'd get them to shut up before i could finish talking. 

i really don't know what to do. it's not fair.
:/

xoxo.

Thursday 19 February 2009

Tuesday 10 February 2009

xoxo

school right now is utterly boring. i finished my advanced algebra homework. stupid imaginary and complex numbers. now i'm just sitting here listening to last.fm and chilling out for six more minutes until i have to go to spanish. i love being open and all that, but three fourths of the time, it's annoying. i really intend of doing my classwork, but i never seem to get around to doing that. i'm stupid. ¬_¬ i know i still have to do my world history discussion questions, but i really can't be bothered to look up the questions. 
i'm really really really really excited for next weekend. like, that's the weekend of my school's winter formal. chances are, i'm not going to be going unless jimmy needs me to get his friend into the dance. either way, that sunday after formal, I GET TO HANG OUT WITH HANNAH. hopefully. this time we have our numbers to call incase things get a little like whoa what the hell.
the bell is ringing in two minutes now. i need to end this on a glorious note.

done.

Sunday 8 February 2009

i'm such a conformist -_-

username: birdrage

why did you pick it?: i remember choosing it because i asked whitney to help me on a new channel name. and she chose it, since it somehow reminded her of me.

who did you first subscribe to?: this account; rockinbluewit, probably. first account; coltwhitmore, he's one badass kid.

who did you most recently subscribe to?: i think i agree with adam here, fourguysandmhazz.

what does your last text message say?: i don't have texting.

do you have any goals?: to make a new rendition of romeo and juliet for the big screen. the 1968 and the 1998 versions fail. i also plan to get the cast of romeo and juliet from our high school theatre performance from this year and have them preform it.

what was the last thing you bought?: animal crossing: wild world for my nintendo ds. currently, i'm still working for nook..because i only started...i'll probably restart too, because i like making my character look perfect.

describe the person who posted this in one line: i don't know what i should say. he is pretty cool... i guess.

are you excited about anything?: april ninth.

do you have a crush?: just a little.

have you ever been drunk?: alcohol isn't my forte.

who was the first youtuber you met in real life?: this is why i'm waiting for april ninth

who was the last youtuber you met in real life?: still waiting.

do you prefer day or night?: night time please.

are you a member of any collab channels?: i wouldn't believe so.

do you have a secret account?: a few.

do you believe in god?: i would believe i do.

which youtuber do you talk to most?: zombie chat, and aaronisanerd, currently.

which youtuber do you think makes the best videos?: i bubble with excitement when i see an amazingphil, 3sixty5days, or a wonderoustravels video in my subscription box.

are you in a relationship?: no, not at the moment.

would you date a smoker?: i dislike smoking a lot. so probably not.

where is your favorite place?: i've never been to my favourite place ever yet.

are you a happy person?: i would say most of the time.

would you kiss the person who posted this?: zach told me to say yes, but i guess it depends on what adam would say?!

what would you take to the desert island?: internet and a teleporter. oh! and lots and lots of food.

do you prefer sun or snow?: i like me some snow, but i prefer the warm sunny days.

who did you last speak to on the phone?: jimmy, i would believe.

who did you last text?: i do not have texting.

what are you doing tomorrow?: giving an oral book report to my literature honours class. >_<

what is your favorite flavor of potato chips?: cool ranch

what size are your feet?: size six, thanks.

what do you want?: an ipod touch or a sony handycam. oh! and maybe georgia and the film making summer camp at UNL?

what do you need?: more sleep.

what do you remember?: that adam is a jerk and made me lose the game.

what do you wish?: i wish that all youtubers lived in a one country, so meeting eachother would be easy.

Saturday 7 February 2009

really.

So, I'm getting sick of this. Everything. Every single thing. All this picking at me, and not being able to plan anything with anyone. It's not fun, I tell you. I can't keep either life happy. My real life hates the internet life. The internet life hates the real life. I hate this.

I kind of want to just hid in a hole for a bit, and see if anyone misses me. With this thought, I am kind of wanting to re-evaluate my plans for this summer. [(?) means maybe]

June:
Softball.
Worlds of Fun. (?)
Possibly a Film Making Summer Camp at UNL. (?)
College World Series Games (?)

July:
Georgia (?)

To be honest, I don't even know if I want to go to Georgia any more. I don't even know.

I don't even remember what I was going to talk about in the rest of this blog.

Whatever.
Byeeeee.

Wednesday 4 February 2009

You know what's annoying?

PLAN Testing. 

I wish I could have gotten the 10am late start like the freshmen and seniors here.
I need one of those -.-

I am open for the next hour and forty minutes. 
I still need to sign up for my classes next year.
I'm not ready to be a junior.

I'm almost at 300 subscribers.
I'm 30 away.
It's weird.
I don't like it.

I'm sixteen.
I still don't think it feels right.

I'm picking at the zits/pimples on my chin,
despite the fact I just put cover-up on like, nearly an hour or so ago.
I hate myself for doing that. -_-


I'm so self-centered.
I'm sorry.